[STAFF WRITER] – President Trump announces his plans to visit the land of the Nile today, saying “This guy Ramses, I mean, he built these beautiful, beautiful, HUUGE Pyramids, you know, I bet if we gave them some paper, so they could stop using papyrus, they could help us build the Wall”
He went on to say that, “We could also help them stop carving on stone, because, well that’s great but, they should be using the cyber, like we are.”
He said he also plans to take his newly-named assistant, Ivanka, because “she’s hot, I mean, if she weren’t my daughter, va-va-voom! What a great ass, isn’t it hot?” And, she can “get some of that Egyptian cotton stuff, because it’s really, really smooth!”
Mike Pence couldn’t be reached for comment because he was being held captive by a bottle of Aunt Jemima pancake syrup at a truckstop in Vincennes, Indiana.